Decisions, decisions…

I’m excited at the prospect of moving to Georgia after having been here in California since 1983. However, I am also TERRIFIED.

I’ve been asking myself (and so have my brother and my kids) why I am so scared and, off the top of my head, here are a few reasons, in no particular order:

*My kids are EVERYTHING to me and we are very close. By moving away, they’d be ‘left behind’ in a sense. I mean, it’s one thing when kids grow up and move away, but now it’d be the other way around. My youngest is graduating from high school in June and I’M the one moving??? My eldest is out of college already and doing her own thing, but she’s HERE… They are here…and I wouldn’t be. This makes me cry every single time I think about it. Even now. Being away from them breaks my heart.. who knows what being cross-country would do to me…

*I would be selling my townhouse and buying a house out there.. what happens if I hate it?! Moving from CA to GA is one thing, but it’d be MUCH harder trying to move back.

*Not that CA doesn’t have it’s faults with racial tensions, but moving to GA means “the south” and that worries me a bit. Ya know… being a black Jewish woman….

*I left my abusive ex in GA 20 years ago. I haven’t seen him since, but the last thing I want to do is turn the corner in the mall or something and run into him. For all I know, he’s dead or in jail or moved away long ago…. but just that little inkling of a notion, freaks me out.

I feel like I’m just complaining. Even though I only listed four things. I mean, I’m a worrier sometimes. Especially with something this big. I can’t just rent out my house and get a house out there. The only way to move is to sell here and buy there. What if I hate it? What if there’s an earthquake or zombie apocalypse in CA and I can’t get to my girls because I’m way the hell out there? What if this…what if that.. It plagues me all the time and I’m working on that. But I can’t help it.

Ugh…. I hate adulting.

I need a nap







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