I’m a horrible daughter

Going through an old box my mother kept labeled “J’s Stuff.” I thought it was just my baby book and letters from camp..shit like that. But apparently she kept everything. Like old birthday cards and report cards, and hate mail.

When my mother and I would argue, like really argue, we’d stop speaking for awhile. Sometimes only a few hours, sometimes days, and since we weren’t speaking, we’d write letters or notes back and forth. Basically how I disappointed her in some kind of way and my smart ass remarks in response back.

I’m only now realizing what a horrible daughter I was. Reading some of those notes and remarks that I made I am mortified that she ever had to read those. I can’t imagine how awful it made her feel, I can’t imagine the heartbreak I induced with my words. I am fully in tears right now and I can’t imagine that I made her cry with the things I said.

And she kept these. Why?

We always had a great relationship. I had…still have… friends who are jealous of how fucking fantastic our relationship was.

I don’t even remember writing these awful hateful things. I obviously would never say them to her face, and she always told me when I was angry to write things down, but I can honestly say that I never thought I was capable of giving anything like that to her. To do something that hurt her on purpose.

I was 16 at the time this letter was written and I remember ages 16-17 1/2 were my worst years. I ran away and came back. I was bitchy all the time. Disrespectful even.

I remember, as an adult, apologizing to her for this timeframe of stupidity and stubbornness. She accepted my apology and we cried and we laughed thinking back at all the bullshit, and I was genuinely happy that we could look back on it. That it was in the past and could stay in the past.

I am disappointed in myself.

And even though I’ve already apologized once for a general time period, I can never apologize for this letter I found, because she’s not around to hear it. 12 years, 10 months and 3 weeks ago was the hardest day of my life.

I know in my heart of hearts that she loved me. All of me. For all time. And that she accepted my apology wholeheartedly as well.

But there is no way I can forgive myself.

I am a horrible daughter.


Work in Progress; Week 1 of 1 Year of Stitches

So beginning Jan 1, I got on a band wagon. I’m not normally the “band-wagon” type of gal, but I really liked this one so I thought what the hell. (Ha, I should’ve said ‘what the hay’.. ya know… ’cause “wagon”…heehee)

Anyhoo… this one is called 1 Year of Stitches. It’s one embroidery stitch a day, on one hoop for 365 days.

I found this genius idea on Instagram on an account aptly named “1yearofstitches” and I thought to myself: self, you should totally do this! And I did. Or rather, I am. Below are my first 7 days, the last pic is what the whole thing looks like after the 7th day. I post them every day on my IG account, but here I think I’ll just do it once a week.

Please enjoy. Feel free to comment…or not. I’m easy.

January 1, 2018

Well so far so good. 2017 ended on a nice note. Had a good couple of days before seeing 2017 out with a nice Hanukkah, peaceful Christmas, and a sparkler and fire-work filled New Years Eve.

Onward and upward they always say and I intend to make 2018 better. Emotionally I will try not to sweat the small stuff, de-stress more often (since I know I will get stressed anyway, at least I’ll have some measures in place to take time and de-stress; being proactive I guess), make art, sell art, write, and generally just have a good time. *fingers crossed [hoping for a fantabulous year]

So off we go, taking it one day at a time. Again…



Southern Summer – A Tanka

Temperature high

Flowers lose their will to thrive

Under Georgia’s sun

Abundance of energy

Only to lucky houseplants


From the Tanka Prompt Challenge


I Adulted Today

So today I bought homeowners insurance. Not only that, but I bundled it with car insurance as well and got a major discount. 

I sound like a commercial or something, but I’m proud of myself for doing it. Even though afterwards I  took a nap because it was exhausting lol



So my last post was about my daughter being on tv on a show called Superhuman (on Fox) well SHE WON! It just aired on Monday and it was amazing, I’m so proud of her 🙂 Also, in case you’re wondering what she won… $50,000!

If you’d like to watch it, click on the link below, she’s about 16 minutes into it.







My Thing1 is going to be on tv!

She’s a contortionist and she’s going to be on Superhuman on Fox. The show starts June 12, but I’m not sure which episode she’ll be on. I’M SO EXCITED!!! * click the link if you’d like to see a clip*

And yeah that’s me crying. Can’t help it when my kids are involved ya know 😉



Burnt Orange; CYW challenge

When I think of Burnt Orange, the 1970’s come to mind. Seemingly lots of people used this color with interior decorating. In abundance…

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*that last one was a ski chalet!



From the Color Your World prompt



In lieu of all the election/voting crap that’s happening (especially today) I have decided to play with kittens. 

I found a super cute website that allows me to do that since I personally, do not have kittens at my disposal. (Even though I reeeeeeeeeeeeeally want one – insert sad face and quivering chin here -)

iPetcompanion.com lets you interact with kitties and puppies in shelters across the U.S. while they’re awaiting adoption… in real time…online! Playtime is 2 minutes so everyone can get a turn, it’s adorable. 🙂

Tired of Him and Her? Play with a freaking kitten and you’ll feel better… At least until the next electoral update.


Here And Now I Stand


My black magic edifying to those around me who accept and encourage it,

             and alarmingly unclear to those who don’t.

Their disquietude written on faces and seen in body language so rigid

             their confederate flag waves ever so slightly with each tremble of clenched fists.

Before me, these men, women, and children in white, pointy hats and spidery tattoos shrieking abrasive words all the while trying to make me relinquish my power.

             As if I would do such a thing.



Behind me and beside me I am joined by others:

             Those with melanin in various tints and tones

             Those with power as strong as my own

             Those whose stories may or may not have been tragic

             Those who are radiant with their own brown and black magic

We have taught, and will continue to teach, our children, and our brother’s and sister’s that we cannot be silent. We will not slip quietly into the background as our humanity is questioned.